Broken Hallelujah
by Italiagrl06
Summary: Eight years after high school and everyone's dreams are broken. Life has taken a toll on the gang and Lucas is far from the man the man he use to be. Can Peyton save him? Leyton with Nayley and others.
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1

_Lucas Scott had always thought that the day Keith died was the worst day of life. He thought that seeing his mothers face at the funeral and watching her pain after Keith's death was the hardest thing he'd ever done but today he wasn't so sure. Keith had lived a good life and while it was cut short at least he got to live his. Jamie, he was only 8. _

_Lucas didn't know why the world had been so cruel to all of them. It was only four years ago that they had all been so excited and young. They had just graduated college and the world was theirs. They went after their dreams and passions but now they were so…so broken. Lucas shook his head as he looked around the room at each one of his friends…nothing had gone like planned for any of them. He suddenly locked eyes with the blond across the aisle but just as quickly he looked away._

_Peyton cringed as Lucas looked away he still wouldn't look at her. He still hadn't talk to her, granted they were in a hospital but still a small hug or hello would have been nice. She looked at her best friend, Brooke Davis and pulled her a little closer. Peyton knew this day was hard on Brook. Everyone had told Brooke not to come but she said that everyone had been there for her and she wanted to be here for Nathan and Hayley. _

_Lucas's heart broke a little more as he saw Peyton holding Brooke. Brooke Davis the girl that was going to change the world had been so changed by it. He couldn't imagine the pain she felt being here today and then felt horrible he hadn't been a good friend at all. Actually he hadn't been a good friend to either one of them. No matter his feelings about Peyton they both still were his friends and they had been through a lot in the past two years and deserved better from him. He stood, it was about time he put feelings a side. It was time for healing there was just too much pain around here._

_Karen looked up at her eldest child. Her heart broke for him and she whispered a prayer that he would be ok. That he would find his way back to them all. She glanced at the broody girl he had sat himself next to and knew that if anyone could save her son it would be that blond. The blond that had held her sons heart for so long, she just prayed it wasn't too late. _

"Hey, can I sit here" _That was stupid Lucas thought_

"Uh…ummm…yyyeah sure, of course." _Peyton said with a forced smile to Lucas. Her heart did a little dance she was so excited Lucas was actually sitting next to her._

"Just wanted to see how you girls are. See if I could get you anything food, coffee, a magazine, a-a-a pen…anything!"

"A pen, seriously Lucas what would we do with a pen?"

"Ummm I don't…just a little nervous I guess."

_Peyton smiled and placed her hand on his knee, as she did she felt the electricity between them and took a deep breath._ "Chill Luke it's ok. We're fine. Thanks."

"No problem just thought it was time." _Lucas and Peyton locked eyes, exchanging hidden messages. Lucas was the first to break the gaze and immediately turned his gaze to at Brooke_.

"Hey Pretty Girl, where's that pretty boy of yours?"

_Brooke sat up from her place in Peyton's lap, brushed away tears and looked at Lucas with a small smile._

"With your mom and Peyton's sitter."

"Of course, guess I just didn't pay attention this morning. Either of you care for a walk?"

"Sure." _Peyton said as she rose not fully sure of why she had but none the less she felt she needed to talk to Lucas. She turned to Brooke who shook her head and said she wanted to stay._

_The pair walked hospital halls for awhile in silence before Lucas broke it._

"How's Brook holding up? I know this can't be easy for her."

"Actually she is doing better than I thought. Better than expected. How's Nathan? How's Hayley given Sam and everything?"

"Nathan's staying strong for Hayley and both of them are trying to be strong for Jamie too. I see the fear and I understand their pain."

"I can't imagine Luke, the waiting. Waiting as the doctors take a tumor out of your four year olds head. Loosing Lane hurt but this waiting." _She regretted her last words the moment she said them and the look on Lucas's face told her they had sent him down a road he didn't need to be on. She quickly tried to pull him back._

"I am so thankful for Ellie, Luke. She is my world, my little angel."

_Lucas forced a smile at the meant of the little girl_. "Ellie is perfect and looks more and more like her mother every day."

"She acts more like her father every day." _Peyton said laughing trying to lighten the mood after the words she spoke earlier._

_It felt good to hear laugh. He loved that laugh, Ellie had the same laugh. He sighed how he loved both his girls if only the pain would pass. _Peyton, I'm…."

"Luke." _She put her hand on his shoulder to stop_ him "Luke, don't ok. I know we have some problems and we have a lot to talk about and work through but right now everyone else is so so…."

"Broken"

"Yes and I feel like we have to be the strong ones for them right now and that means putting us, our issues and our feelings aside for a time. Dealing with our problems later, can you do that?"

_Lucas nodded at her._ "When did you become such a Savior Peyton?"

_Peyton smiled and blushed._ "I learned from the best…come on lets go see what Nate and Hayley want to eat!"

"Peyton"

_She turned and he brought her into a friendly comforting hug._

"Peyton, I agree with you all the way. Just know that I'm here and I promise I'm not going anywhere."

"Ok Luke, ok" _She said with tears in her eyes. His words having more meaning than anyone else could know. _

_The two pulled apart and went back into the waiting room._

_Peyton was happy she had finally gotten to talk to Lucas and while they hadn't fixed things between them they had found common ground. She really hoped they would be able to save their friends and she hoped she could save him. _


	2. Chapter 2

**7 hours 34 minutes later**

_Cancer was the only word Nathan heard. It sent his mind reeling he had heard of childhood cancer but he hadn't realize it could happen to his kid. His eight year old had cancer. Nathan held onto Hayley even tighter as they listened to the surgeon's report. _

"We got 95.5% out but I didn't want to risk taking any more as it was too close to the stem and would have risked permanent face damage. We were very lucky that we did not have to put a stint in his head and as far as treatment options. He needs to go through radiation and then chemo. We can do it at this hospital. But Mr. Scott your son is a candidate for St. Jude's and can be treated there if you so choose. Radiation would work very much the same here as it would at St. Jude's. Chemo however is different. Here we do smaller doses every few months for 9 months. At St. Jude's the chemo would be far more aggressive but would only last for 4 to 6 months. However Mr. Scott these decisions do not need to be made today. Your son is down in recovery. If you and your wife will come with me, I will take you in to him and you may sit with him. He will be moved into ICU soon. "

_Lucas sat there he didn't know what to say. He was a writer words were his life but do you say when an eight year old has cancer? He locked eyes with his mom and she gave him a weak smile as she held a crying Deb in her arms. As he looked around the room he saw the tears in everyone's eyes Jamie had cancer… the day just didn't seem real. Would the world ever be normal again?_

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_Brooke crouched in a corner. She felt bad for running she just couldn't stay in the room any longer. Cancer. NO! NO! NO! She thought this can't be happening her mind went back to the day she had heard the same words from another doctor's mouth. _

"_Chase I 'm worried what if it's something bad?"_

"_Baby, I promise whatever it is we'll get through it together don't worry ok. I love you." Then he had kissed her. They parted just as the doctor walked in the room._

"_Mr. and Mrs. Adams I am so glad that you could both come on such short notice. As you both know we ran a series of tests on Mr. Adams. I am sorry to say that Mr. Adams has Leukemia."_

_Brooke started crying again at the memory and that's how Peyton found her best friend._

"Hey, B. Adams. It's going to be ok. You've come so far and you have been so strong it's going to be alright." _Peyton said as she bent down to hold her friend._

"I'm sorry Peyton. I know I should have stayed in there…. I just heard the word cancer and oh Peyton I just miss him so much and every day I see him in…"

"In Logan. I know and B you always will and hearing the word cancer will probably always make you cry but you don't have to be ashamed. We all know it was hard on you being here today and Nathan and Hayley were thankful for it but let's get you home to that little boy of yours. He needs his mommy and hey we don't want him to fall in love with my daughter just yet."

"Your right. Your right."

_Peyton held Brooke all the way to the car and it wasn't until they we're in the car and on their way that either of them spoke._

"Peyton, I wish my last memory of Chase was when he was healthy and not the day he died."

"Then make it be Brooke. I don't remember Ellie for the day I found her. I remember her for how she taught me to live. Chase did the same for you. He taught you a lot, gave you a lot and he left you with the best thing in the world."

"Once again you are right. Chase was the greatest and I am glad I got to be the one that stood by him as he battled leukemia and I most thankful that he gave me Logan and that he got to spend time with his son before he died. Sometimes I just still go back to the day after, the day the medicine came and it was too late. "

"Brooke I know, I know and you probably will for a while if not forever. I know I still think that if I had just gotten the CDs a day earlier or left five minutes sooner, hadn't been stuck in traffic…anything. I might have been able to save Ellie, at least for a little longer. Cancer is bad Brooke and it has taken so much from all of us already but we're not letting it take anymore. You did all you could for Chase just as I did for my mom. The medicine it might have helped him for a few days and then again it might not have so please don't dwell on it.

"Thanks Peyton, I don't know what I would do without you. I really don't. You have helped me so much in this past year."

"I love you, B. Adams I would buy the moon for you if I could."

"And I love you too but oh I've missed my little boy today"

_The girls got out of the car and ran into the house, they missed their babies!_

Ok so I am still learning out to write fan fiction and how to post them and everything. I'm sorry if the characters aren't dead on but I wanted them to grow up just a little.

Please review and let me know of anything I can improve on but please be nice .


	3. Chapter 3

_Peyton paid the sitter and thanked her for staying all day with the kids. She then started to make the kids dinner._

"Peyton what are you making?"

"Mac and Cheese. Livy will you go get your sister and tell her to wash up."

"Ok Peyton."

_Peyton laughed as 6 year old Olivia ran down the hall to get her sister. She didn't look like Lucas but she was defiantly still his sister. Thinking about Lucas brought tears to her eyes but she quickly brushed them aside as another little girl tugged on her pant leg. _

"Mommy, Mommy. I'm hungry."

_Peyton smiled and picked up her little girl and kissed his cheek. Even at four years old Elisabeth Karen Scott was a perfect mixture of her two parents in looks and personality. She had curly blond hair but her father's piercing blue eyes. _

"Mommy is making you dinner Princess. Where are you cousins?"

"Mattie and Logan are playing football."

_Peyton laughed at the face her little girl made. Her little girl was all girl. _"Well go tell those two to come eat please Princess."

"Ok Mommy I will."

"Peyton what are we eating?"

"Mac and Cheese, Miss Lily!"

"I love that Peyton. When are Mommy and Daddy coming home?"

"Soon Lil, they just had to help Aunt Deb."

"Ok, where's Luke?"

"With Nathan at the hospital."

"Oh so your all we get."

"Thanks for the love Lily." _Peyton said rolling her eyes at the little girl. _

"I'm only kidding Peyton. I love you. Do you want any help?" _Lily gave Peyton a hug._

"Sure. Can you these plates on the table." Then turning to Livy she said. _"Will you set the spoons and napkins."_

"Sure Peyton. Mommy says that Lily and I are the best helpers she has."

"Livy we're Mommy's only helpers." _Lily rolled her eyes at her younger sister._

"You're still a good helper Livy. Now both of you go. Dinner is almost ready."

"Mommy the three kitties are here!"

"It's doggies Ellie not Kitties." _Mattie said as he stuck his tongue out at his cousin._

"No it's not Mattie, its rats like the candy bar." _Logan said_

"Kids, kids I think its three musketeers."_ Brooke said as she picked up her little boy and gave him a kiss._

"Well you three musketeers it is dinner time."_ Peyton said with a laugh._

"Yay!!"_ The three said in unison. _

_After dinner Peyton got Mattie and Ellie in bed. Lily and Livy we're a little harder. Declaring they were not four like the others and should be allowed to stay up. Eventually Peyton convinced them that they still weren't old enough to stay up. When she had finally gotten the kids in bed she laid down on the couch only to be awake a short while later by the opening of the door._

"Oh Peyton I'm so sorry we woke you."

"Oh it's no problem Karen I was planning on going back to the hospital anyway. Ellie and Mattie are asleep in Ellie's room. Brooke and Logan are asleep in their room. Your two girls are in the spare room and your guys can stay in the room across from them. That should cover everyone!"

_Karen looked at the girl with a worried expression._ "You are amazing Peyton. I'm sorry if Lily and Livy gave you any trouble."

"Oh no worries Karen after dealing with two 4 year olds, an 8 year old and a 6 year old weren't any trouble."

"Well they are on this kick that they don't have to go to bed early anymore." _Andy said speaking for the first time since entering the room._

"Oh well I was able to convince them they weren't old enough yet."

"How did you manage that?" _Karen asked._

"Easy I just told them they had to be as old as their brother."_ The three adults laughed. _

"Well I'm going to get going."

"Are you sure Peyton? You need rest too; this can't be easy on you."

"Karen, I love you for caring but I am fine, I'll be fine. Don't worry. I'll be back as soon as possible."

_With that Peyton was on her way back to the hospital. A place she knew all too well. Tears fell from her cheeks but as she pulled into the parking lot she stuffed all her emotions inside, her friends needed her. When she walked in and saw Lucas she wanted nothing more than to fall into his arms and have him hold her. Have him tell her that everything was going to be alright. _

_Lucas saw his wife walk in and he shook his head. She was his wife but in the last two years he hadn't been her husband but merely her roommate. He knew she was hurting but he was too consumed by his pain to know how to help her._

"How's Jamie?"

"Stable I guess. They are in ICU with him now. Nate said they would come out and talk to us in a minute. Make a decision on what to do with Mattie and who's staying where. Did you get the kids to bed?"

"The kids plus Brooke and your little sisters are pills. "

_Just then a door open and two exhausted parents walked out. Immediately the two women embraced and Hayley began to cry. _

"I'm going to stay here tonight with Jamie and send Hayley home to Mattie and to get some rest."

"Sounds great Lucas you take Hayley home and make sure she goes to sleep and that she eats. I'll stay with Nate and ensure he gets some rest and food. In the morning we can switch."

_Lucas nodded his head and Hayley mumbled something about needing to spend time with Mattie. After a few hugs and tears Lucas and Hayley left. Nathan thought it strange that his older brother didn't kiss his wife good-bye, actually he hadn't even hugged her but the thought was gone as fast as it had come. _

"So Nate how are you?"_ Peyton said as she gave Nathan a hug. _

"I don't know. I'm trying to be strong for Hayley and the boys but to be honest I feel overwhelmed."

"I know Nate, I know but we're all going to help you through this. I promise. Now let's go take care of that little boy of yours."

"Alright Sawyer after you and thank you."

_Nathan and Peyton spent the night taking care of Jamie. He threw up several times which worried Nathan. Peyton just informed him that it was normal it would all be alright. She stepped up and took amazing care of Jamie and of Nathan. She even managed to get Nathan to sleep for a little while. Peyton felt exhausted as she watched Nathan and finally Jamie sleep. She knew that this family had a long year ahead of them and a lot to overcome in that year. Nate stirred and Peyton turned to talk to him. _

"Sleep well?"

"Uhuh yeah actually I did sleep some. Did you? How's Jamie? Did he sleep?"

"I got some sleep. He's doing better this morning. I think the worst part of recovery is over."

"That's good. Thanks Peyton for being here and taking such great care of him. Hayley needed to sleep and I know Mattie needed her too. I feel bad that you stayed though and you didn't even get any sleep."

"Don't worry Nate I said I would be here and I will be. You guys are going to need us to help out so don't worry about it, k. Besides you've helped me so many times its payback time."

"Sawyer you always have been my best friend and this goes beyond payback or friends so thanks."

"I like to think so and well Nate you're my brother now." _Peyton said with a smile. _

"As odd as that is I am. So when are Lucas and Hayley coming?"

"Oh sorry, Luke texted me about thirty minutes ago and said that they would be up here at 10. It's 9 right now so I am going to run down to the cafeteria and grab you some breakfast because you need it!"

"Thanks Peyton."

**That's chapter three. I hoped you guys liked it. Thanks so much for the reviews! Please review more. **


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I do not own OTH.

Here's another chapter guys I really hope you like it. This chapter is a little bit different but I really enjoyed writing it and I felt like the story needed it.

Thanks for all your great reviews please keep them up!!

_(Oh and isn't everyone so excited about tonight's episode it was so great! I am so happy OTH is back on the air!!)_

**Chapter 4**

"Mommy is this a good cloud?" _Ellie asked tugging on her mother's arm. Peyton rolled over exhausted it had been four weeks since Jamie's surgery. He was home now but there hadn't been a day yet where Peyton hadn't been over there helping them or taking care of Mattie. She needed a break._

"That's a great cloud Ellie. You're such a good little artist."

"I'm not as good as you."_ The little girl responded as she cuddled next her mom in bed._

"You will be sweetheart, probably even better."

"I don't know mommy your good."

"Thanks baby girl, so what do you want to do today? We're going to have a Mommy/Daughter day."

"I get the whole day with you?"

"Yes baby girl the whole day!"

"Wow mommy that's a lot of time."

"It is Princess but I love it. Do you want to just wear pajamas all day, make cookies and watch princess movies?"

"Can we watch Hannah Montana too?"

"Yes we can watch Hannah Montana too." _Peyton said rolling her eyes and tickling her daughter._

"Can we have pizza? Cause I like pizza."

"Sure. How about I go down and make you some French toast and then we can come back to mommy's room and watch movies in bed."

"I love French toast mommy but mommy is daddy going to spend today with us too? Because daddy loves lazy days with us and he loves French toast."

"Sorry baby, daddy is on his book tour this weekend. He won't be back till Monday."

"And today is Saturday right mommy."

"Right baby girl. Now let's go." _Peyton said as she started to race her daughter down the stairs._

_Peyton's cooking had improved over the years but she wasn't a neat cook. There was food everywhere as mother and daughter made breakfast._

"Wow things sure have changed when food actually smells good that P. Scott has made!"

"Well well B. Adams finally graces the world with her presence this morning. What do you two have planned today?"

"I told Logan I would take him to the park and to lunch today."

"Mommy and I are having lazy day. We're staying our pajamas all day."

"Sounds fun baby girl, maybe Logan and I can come back and join you two for movies and pizza tonight."

"That sounds fun Aunt Brooke."

"Do you guys want some French toast it's almost done."

"Nope, told Logan I would take him out for breakfast and lunch. It's his favorite thing to do go out to eat he is so my son. So I guess we'll get going do you want to do pizza and movies tonight?"

"Sure that would be great but you guys have to wear pajamas!"

"I'll wear my superman pajamas." _Logan said as he struck a pose._

"The will be perfect Logan. Shall we say 6 then?"

"Perfect! See you then P. Scott."

"Bye B. Adams."

"Bye Aunt Brooke, bye L. Adams." _Ellie said with a cute little wave to Logan. _

"Bye E. Scott and Aunt Peyton." _Their children's good-byes caused laughter to rise from the best friends._

"Aunt Brooke is happy again isn't mommy?"

"She is baby she is."

"Mommy?"

"Yes baby."

"Is Daddy going to be happy again too?" _Tears came to Peyton's eyes as she heard her daughters words._

"I hope so baby." _Peyton said as she held her daughter tight._

_Peyton was enjoying today more than she had enjoyed any day in a long time. She snuggled close to Ellie as they watched yet another episode of Hannah Montana. This show wasn't exactly Peyton's favorite it was too girly for her but really Ellie was more girly than Peyton ever was. She guessed the girly influence came from Brooke but she didn't care she loved it when her little girl was happy. _

"Hey mommy." _Ellie asked with a gleam in her eye._

"Yes baby."

"Can we jump on the bed like rock stars?"

_Peyton laughed._ "Sure baby girl lets jump!"

_They started jumping up and down and laughing so hard. Blond hair and curls flying everywhere. Ellie was trying as hard as she could to jump as high as her mom. Their jumping ended in a tickle war between the two._

"Mommy your so fun."

"Thanks baby girl. So I think we better go pick out some movies and get pillows and blankets ready for Logan and Aunt Brooke. "

"And order pizza momma you forgot the pizza."

"Yes and pizza. Now let's go you little princess."

_The two had just put the final touches on their ultra comfy living room and ordered the pizza when Logan and Brooke came bouncing through the door._

"Well you two look extra happy. How was your day?"

"It was a great day. Mommy got me three ice cream cones and she took me to see daddy."

_Peyton eyed Brooke as Logan spoke. She knew this was the first time her friend had been to Chase's grave and she knew it had to be very hard_. "Wow three and I thought I had spoiled Ellie today."

"Well he wanted them and I just couldn't say no. He looked at me with the cutest little face." _She said all bubbly in a way only Brooke Davis – Adams could._

"Sounds like one little boy has his mommy wrapped around his little finger."

"Funny Peyton real funny." _Brooke said as she playfully hit her best friend._

"The pizza will be here in about 15 so you two have 15 minutes to change into pajamas so move it."

_The four enjoyed their pizza and movie watching. Just spending time together and being happy._

"This is how it's supposed to be you me and our cute little kiddos." _Brooke said eying the two sleeping four year olds._

"It is. I am so glad we had them at the same time."

"I know I loved that year… you, me and Hayley being pregnant at the same time it was oh so fun. The guys were pretty funny too."

"Oh I know always calling each other to swap stories and to complain. That was a lot of fun."

"What happened Peyton? We we're so happy then."

"Life Brooke… just life."

"I don't like it Peyton."

"I know but Brooke… this has always been life. In high school we endured a love triangle, two dead moms, an absent one, a school shooting and a psycho stalker. It's just life and everyone goes through it. There are bad days and good days we just have to keep creating great days to weigh out way the bad ones."

"When did you and I switch places? I use to be Miss Sunshine and now you are even after everything you've been through."

"You know one day I was watching Ellie play princess and I realized as much I can't stand pink and princess stuff my favorite thing is to see her happy. It was then that I realized my high school years must have broken my mother's hearts. All that time I spent going all emo must have really hurt them because I know it breaks my heart to see my daughter cry. It was that day that I decided to show my mom's my smile. "

"Wow, maybe…" _Brooke fell silent again and Peyton reached out to hold her friend._ "Maybe I need to start showing Chase mine."

"He always did like it. I'm sure he would like to see it now."

"He would and I'm going to work on it. Taking Logan to the cemetery today was a major step for me."

"How was it?"

"It was hard but seeing Logan get all excited about seeing his Daddy, well it made it easier and there was something comforting about in a creepy weird sort of way. I feel like I am finally healing Peyton. Loosing Chase to leukemia has been the hardest thing I have ever been through but I feel like I am finally beginning to see the light at the end of this tunnel."

"I'm glad Brooke I really am."


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

"Jamie, I found a frog on my swing yesterday and I told mommy that I wanted to bring it to you but she said you wouldn't want it right now." _Eliie said as she laid her head on her older cousin._

"That's cool El." _He responded in a monotone voice. Ellie then proceeded to kiss him on the cheek and run away._

"So Hales how is he?" _Peyton asked her friend as they watch their kids._

"Better. He doesn't see double anymore, he can walk in a straight line and the movement in his left hand is improving every day."

"That's amazing Hales and how are you?"

"I'm good. I feel better like I'm going to make it now. I just still feel bad for Mattie."

"Hayley I'm proud of you. You're doing awesome given everything that you're going through but don't worry I'll take good care Mattie. He's going to be fine."

"Thanks Peyton. Nathan and I just really felt after talking to the doctors and to Jamie that St. Jude's is the best place for him."

"It is. Don't worry Mattie is in good hands." _They two hugged._

"Ahh it's a hug fest I want in!" _Brooke said as she came bounding in the door and pushing her way into her way into the hug. The three girls stood there in the middle of Hayley's kitchen hugging. Soon they felt three little kids giggling their way into the hug._

"Now this is cute." _Nathan said walking in his back door with Lucas. _

_The giggling group broke apart. Peyton and Lucas both tensed up and caught each other's gaze only to look quickly away. No one saw the exchange between the two or there surely would have been questions all the way around. Instead Logan spoke up._

"We were having a group hug!" _The little boy giggled while saying it the entire time._

"We'll do you guys want to stop hugging and start eating?" _Nathan asked._

"Yes!" _Was the unanimous response from all three kids as they proceeded to run outside. The adults we're about to follow but then heard the door bell._

"I'll get it you guys go out back. It's probably Karen and Andy anyway." _Peyton said as she headed for the door. Sure enough it was. Karen hugged her daughter – in-law and they walked inside. Lily ran straight for the couch and sat next to Jamie. Livy ran outside with Andy after to her. Peyton and Karen walked slowly in. _

"Jamie I'll bring you a plate back in a second. Lily do you want me to bring one too?" _Peyton asked as passed the two on her way outside. Lily just nodded. It wasn't until the adults were outside the either of the kids spoke._

"How are you best friend?" _Lily said with a smile._

"Hanging in there." _Jamie said back. The two had been completely confused how they were related when they were little and if they even were so when they were two they had declared themselves best friends and they truly were. It was a bond that no one understood but the two of them._

"Are you sacred J?

"Lily." _With that she hugged him and just let him cry._

"Jamie you're going to be ok. You know what Peyton always tells me? "You're too young not to believe it's going to be ok."

_It was on that note that Peyton had slipped back into the house announce to the two of them. She just listened not wanting to interrupt._

"Lily what if it's hard? Or what if it hurts?"

"Jamie you have been living with headaches and throwing up every day for the last months. Most days you haven't even gotten out of bed. This is making you better. So you don't have to ever feel like that again. If it hurts...well I'll be here. You can call and write me every day. You're going to make it J, it's going to be ok."

"Thanks Lil." _With that the boy feel asleep. Peyton took that moment to walk into the room. She set the two plates on the coffee table and took her "younger sister" in her arms. _

"Lily that was amazing. When did you get to be so wise?"

"Nah Peyton I just watched you. You are so strong and I want to be just like you when I grow up."

"No Lily you don't" _Lily look at her about to interrupt. _"You want to be better, stronger."

"I don't know Peyton I think your pretty strong. I'm sorry Luke is so sad all the time."

"It's ok Lily we just have to find a way to save him."

"We will Peyton." _The two hugged._ "Peyton will you tell my mom I'm going to stay in here with Jamie."

"Sure Lily and Lily you already are strong. I love you little sister."

"I love you too big sister."

_Peyton walked back outside and Karen sat frozen in one of the kitchen chairs. She knew Lucas was in trouble but after the words she had just heard she knew it was getting even worse. She just prayed that healing would come before it was too late. She shook her head and walked back out to the adults. _


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6

_Peyton and Brooke were exhausted. It had been three weeks since Nathan and Hayley took Jamie to St. Jude's. The week after they left Lucas went on his book tour leaving the girls alone with three very active 4 four year olds. Today though they we making cookies getting ready for Thanksgiving and tomorrow everyone would be home. They would be a family again._

"Mommy isn't this one pretty" _Ellie said has she held a snowman. It was caked in flour and had turned brown from being handled by four year old hands. Sprinkles also took up most of the cookie. Brooke and Peyton exchanged looks._

"Sweetheart I think that looks as great as the cookies your mommy use to make your daddy in high school." _Brooke said causing Peyton to laugh. Ellie however was extremely content with that answer._

"Aunt Peyton"

"Yes Sir Mattie."_ The young boy giggled as she said his silly nickname._

"Can I save cookies to give to my daddy? He loves them?"

"Of course you can. Well make him a plate of cookies just from Mattie he will love it."

"Yeah because no one is going to actually eat these cookies" _Brooke said under her breath. Peyton shot her a look and Brooke just rolled her eyes._

"Mommy can I save Daddy cookies too?"

"Of course baby girl."

"Momma?" _Logan said tentatively looking as him mom._

"Yes Baby boy?"

"Can I take some to Daddy? He likes cookies and I bet they don't have them in heaven." _Logan said. Peyton eye's immediately locked with her best friends that were on the verge of tears._

"Hey Logan I bet they do have cookies in heaven. Tons and tons of cookies but if you want we'll put your cookies on a plate for your Daddy too and I'll go with you to take them to him."

"Really Aunt Peyton."

"Of Course." _She said grinning at the boy. Brooke managed to mouth thank-you and she hugged her little boy._

"I need to run into the kitchen for a minute." _Brooke said before she got up quickly._

"I'm going to go with her. Who has a tray ready." _Peyton said as she followed her friend._ "Hey Best Friend."

"Thanks Peyton I didn't know what to say to him."

"Yay well I didn't know what to say to Ellie either." _The girls let out a nervous laugh._

"I just thought it was all getting easier."

"Haven't you heard B. Adams it gets harder before it gets better."

"Ok not helping."

"Sorry come here. Now look you are doing great these are the first holidays without him it's going to be tough but I'm here. You're too young Brook Adams not to believe it's going to be ok."

"Thanks Peyton. But will you take Logan I don't think I can right now."

"I will. We have to stick together afteral its Moms over Kids."

"I don't know about that one Peyton."

"It was worth a shot. Come on let's get back to our kiddos we don't want flour all over the house."


	7. Chapter 7

_**Disclaimer: I do not own OTH.**_

_**My next several chapters are completely Leyton focused. You will also begin to learn what has happened to Lucas and Peyton. So please keep reading and keep reviewing! **_

_**I apologize if I seem to ignoring the others…just want to get the Lucas and Peyton.**_

Chapter 7

"I CANNOT BELIEVE THAT YOU CAME HOME DRUNK AGAIN. CAN'T YOU JUST GO ONE NIGHT…JUST ONE LUCAS ONLY NIGHT!"

"Peyton come on I just need a fix something to dull the pain." _Lucas said his words totally slurred together._

"A fix Lucas really is that what you call the last two years of our lives has been? Just a fix for some pain that you feel because we lost Dylan?"

"Peyton it's hard."

"Lucas OPEN your eyes! You're too blind to your own pain to notice the rest of us. Brooke lost her husband to cancer. Hayley had a miscarriage and then she found out her 8 year old has cancer and what about ME your wife? I lost my son and my HUSBAND. You're not the only one hurting around here."

"Peyton."

"No I'm done Luke." _Peyton said as she wiped the tears falling down her face._ " I'm done yelling, I'm done crying, I'm done pleading with you to come home to your family."

"Peyton I I…"

"Luke I'm tired. Remember after you had your heart attack we had just started dating and I was so in love with you and I was so scared I wanted to save you to bring you back to me. I have felt the same way for two years Luke. I'm sorry we lost our son and I'm sorry you had to be there."

_Peyton paused wiping tears from her eyes._

"But I'm tired Luke. I'm tired of being both mommy and daddy to our little girl. I'm tired of covering for you with our friends because you're always drunk. I'm tired of you not looking at me anymore not kissing me or wanting to be with me. I can't live like this Luke. I'm sorry Lucas I can't save you and I'm tired of trying."

_With that she walked out and Lucas was left alone with his drunken thoughts. Peyton ran down the hall to the spare room and collapsed on the bed in tears. _

"Peyton?"_ Brooke asked as she cautiously came into the room. It had become a ritual Peyton and Lucas fight…Brooke finds Peyton and holds her until she falls asleep. _

"Brooke what am I going to do?" _She was holding __Lucas's his first book 'An Unkindness of Ravens" she read it every night before bed. She would play the CD of him reading it praying, hoping for the day that he would come back to her. She shook her head tears falling down her face. _

"Oh Honey." _Brooke just held her and let her cry there we're no words to say._

**Thanksgiving Day**

_The next day Lucas was so hung over he made it to dinner just as they were about to eat. His mother glared at him. He knew she was mad at him not for being late but for how he had been treating his family. A picture of Keith flashed before his eyes as he looked at Nathan. The picture that flashed before his eyes when he thought of himself was not of Keith but of Dan. He shuttered at the thought he had become his father._

"Daddy I made you a plate of cookies." _Ellie said with a grin for her father._

"Thank you princess. I'm sure there really good." _Lucas said forcing a smile for his daughter._

"I wouldn't bet on it." _Nathan mumbled under his breath as Hayley elbowed him._

" I've been thinking and for Christmas we should all get away and take a trip. I'll pay!"

"What did you have in mind?" _Peyton asked._

"FLORIDA!"

"Well that does sound kind of perfect. Nathan, Hayley what do you think?" _Peyton said turning to the married couple._

_Hayley and Nathan exchanged looks. Hayley spoke. "_We're in."

"Tutor mom you won't regret this. Andy, Karen will you come?"

"Brooke." _Karen questioned._

"We love you guys and it wouldn't be a family Christmas without you."

"She's right Karen we need you guys." _Peyton said locking eyes with her mother in law. _

"We'll go but I'm paying." _Andy said after exchanging looks with Karen._

"We'll share expenses."

"Deal" _With that the two shook hands._


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8

"Luke what do you mean you're not going." _Peyton said throwing her hands in the air as she watched her husband pack. It was December 18 and they were supposed to be leaving for Florida tomorrow with everyone else. _

"It's simple Peyton. I am not going." _Lucas said with a firm look on his face as he threw another shirt in his bag._

"Lucas it is Christmas! How can you do this to Ellie?"

"Peyton its one Christmas and everyone else is going to be there." _He said running his hands through is hair._ "Just buy her some more stuff it's not like she'll remember this Christmas in a few years anyway." _He said throwing his hands in the air._

"Luke! She is your daughter not just some animal you throw toys at when you're not around. She is not something you get rid of when things get hard. She needs our love not our credit cards and she may not remember this Christmas but you will. Make a memory Luke for me and for you. Please make this Christmas one to remember not dread."

"I have work Peyton doesn't that mean anything?"

"It does when it's a real reason Lucas."

"Come one Peyton what do you want from me? It happened on Christmas Eve I just can't be around people on that day."

"Lucas! Brooke lost her husband on Christmas day a year ago get over yourself already."

"I'm sorry I'm leaving Peyton. I'm going to New York." _He said walking out of their bedroom door._

"Well maybe you should just stay there."

"Peyton."

"Luke, I 'm serious." _She was standing there with her hand on her hip. But he just turned and walked away. Leaving her standing there. The moment he was out of sight Peyton fell to the floor in tears. She felt like her heart had just been ripped out of her chest and stomped on. She slowly got up and got back in bed letting the tears fall._

_Brooke sat at the kitchen table her head in her hands she had heard the conversation. She was thankful the Logan and Ellie we at Karen's. Tears ran down her face as she watched Lucas leave._

_**The next day**_

_Lucas didn't come back and Peyton seemed to have just stuffed all her emotions down inside like she had so many other times in her life. Brooke and Karen we're mad at him to put it lightly but Nathan was the worst. Hayley and Brooke had to physically hold him and beg him not to go to New York to find Lucas and beat him up. Ellie seemed to be the least fazed by it all and for that all the grownups were happy. _

"We're on a plane! I love planes."

"Me too. Ellie where is your daddy?" _Mattie asked his cousin. The adults froze at Mattie's question they had kind of forgotten to tell him that Lucas wasn't coming._

"My daddy is finding his happiness so he's not coming to Florida."

"He's going to miss Christmas."

"I guess."

"Are you sad Ellie?"

"I miss him but I want him happy so it's ok."

"I want Uncle Luke happy too. I like him like that."

"Oh I do too. That's what I asked Santa for a happy daddy!"

"Maybe I can ask Santa for that too."

"Thanks Mattie Santa will defiantly have to bring me my happy daddy if you ask him too." _The two hugged and the adults exchanged worried looks._

"I'll be right back. Just going to run to the restroom." _Peyton said as she hurriedly got up from her seat._

"My stupid brother." _Nathan said under his breath._


	9. Chapter 9

**Chapter 9**

**3 Days Later**

"Hey Sawyer. The kids are swimming again. It's just you, me and a sleeping Jamie."

"I miss them. He went to the bank Nathan he just went to the bank and he never came back. I never thought a trip to the bank could change your life but it did mine. I lost my husband and my son."

_Nathan reached out and held her. He knew her mind was back to that day._

_**Flashback**_

"_Good job Ellie you did so well your daddy will be proud." Peyton praised her two year old daughter for making a basket in the hoop._

"_Daddyy and Dilly?" _

"_Yes baby girl I think your twin brother will be proud too. He, Daddy and Lily will be home really soon then we're going to eat at Grandmas."_

"_Murry Cristmas"_

"_Yes Merry Christmas." Peyton smiled Ellie._

_Ellie was her miracle when the twins were born Dylan Nathan Scott had been perfect but they quickly discovered that the umbilical cord was wrapped around the other babies throat, that baby was Ellie. The doctors had said she would never walk or talk but now at two years old she was almost a normal two year old and had far exceeded the doctor's expectations. Something both Lucas and Peyton we're thankful for everyday. _

_Just then there was a knock at the door. Peyton rose to answer unsure who would be coming by at the moment._

"_Hello officer can I help you."_

"_Are you Mrs. Lucas Scott?"_

"_Yes Sir I am. What happened?"_

"_Mrs. Scott I'm Detective Morris there was a robbery at Bank of Tree Hill."_

"_OH NO. Dylan, Lucas. My son, husband, are they ok?"_

"_Mrs. Scott I'm sorry but they were both injured and have been taken to One Tree Hill Hospital. I am sorry that's all I know if you come with me I will take you to them."_

"_Please. Yes please. I just let me get my daughter."_

"_Of course."_

_Peyton was numb a robbery what happened. She scooped up her daughter and in 15 minutes she was at the hospital. Karen and Andy were already there. Andy immediately took Ellie from her arms and walked away with her._

"_Karen what is going on?" _

"_Peyton. While Lucas was in the bank with Dylan and Lily there was a robbery. The robber had a gun."_

"_No oh please no."_

"_Peyton. Dylan's been shot."_

"_No your wrong. Your wrong." Karen held strongly to her daughter in-laws shoulders._

"_Peyton he's in surgery. They don't think he's going to make it." _

"_No no where's my baby? I need to see my baby."_

"_Peyton."_

"_NOOOOoooooooo he's only two. He's only two. I need to see him I need to hold him to let him know that everything is going to be ok. He needs his mother." Peyton said as she fell on the floor in tears._

"_Peyton." Karen said holding onto her once more. "Peyton you can't."_

"_Lucas I need Lucas where my husband. I need my family." _

"_Peyton, Lucas was injured too. You can see him as soon as he wakes up."_

"_No. My family oh please no. Lucas I need you." it was all she said before she passed out. _

_A little while later she woke up with a start and in a hospital bed. Karen was by her side in an instant and Brooke on the other._

"_Hey how are you?" Brooke asked her._

"_Please tell me it was a bad dream. Please Brooke."_

"_Peyton, I 'm sorry." _

"_Brooke . How are they?" _

"_I'm sorry Peyton. I'm so sorry but Dylan he didn't make it he was too young. His little body just couldn't survive a gunshot wound."_

_**End of Flashback.**_

"I miss them Nathan. I miss them both. My baby he was so young. He was too young to die. He needed his mother and I wasn't there to hold him. I wasn't there to tell him I love and that everything was going to be ok." _Peyton hung her head._

"He took his last breaths alone. Oh my baby, I miss my little boy and miss my husband I need them. Nathan I need them."

_Peyton broke down she had never dealt with loosing Dylan. She was always busy taking care of Ellie and dealing with Lucas. Nathan just held her praying that everything was going to be ok. _

_He held Peyton until she fell asleep from crying then he carried her to her bed. He got his iphone and made a few swift clicks then he checked on Jamie wrote a note and left. He had someone to see and it was time he talked some sense into him anyway he could._


	10. Chapter 10

_Chapter 10_

_Nathan walked into his brother's hotel room and threw the bottle that sat on the table against the wall._

" What the h…" _Lucas said as he turned around._ "How the h*** did you get in here?"

"Lindsay. She told me where you were. Called the front desk and had me added to your suite. So here I am big brother."

"Sh**. Why are you here Nate?"

"Because my big brother's acting like Dan."

"I'M BROKEN NATHAN! WHY DOES NO ONE UNDERSTAND THAT?"

"_YOUR'RE BROKEN LUCAS? THIS MORNING I WAS IN FLORIDA HOLDING __**YOUR WIFE**__ AS SHE BROKE DOWN ABOUT LOSING HER SON AND HER HUSBAND. SO DON'T YOU TELL ME HOW BROKEN YOUR ARE I DON'T GIVE A CRAP ABOUT __**YOU**__."_

"She may have lost a son. But she didn't have to watch him get shot in front of her."

"She's had to watch you for the past two years and what about **your** 8 year old sister she had to watch the shooting too. She has nightmares every night and she has barely gone one night without sleeping with your mom and Andy but **you **don't know that do **you**? Or what about **your **daughter or did you forget about her? You know what she said to Mattie on the plane to Florida? She said she asked Santa to send her daddy back happy. She said she was ok that you were going to be gone for Christmas because she wanted you to come back happy. So shut up Lucas it's not always about **YOU**!"

"Nathan I know it's not always about me! I've tried to be there for Ellie and for Lily. I was there for Brooke as Chase was dying and I was there when he died. I held Hayley after her miscarriage six months ago and again as she cried about Jamie but I can't do it anymore Nathan. I can't take the pain any longer!"

"What about Peyton?"

"WHAT THE HE** DO YOU WANT FROM ME?"

"I want you go home and take care of your wife and daughter."

"Nathan I can't."

"Luke."

"Nathan, I'm not coming back. I'm done. I sent Peyton divorce papers today they will be there when she gets back home. I can't do it anymore."

"LUCAS."

"No Nathan just leave me alone. I'm done. I'm done trying to find the man I use to be. He died the day Dylan did and he isn't coming back. I'm done pretending to all of you that I'm fine. So go home Nathan to your wife and kids and pray it stays that way."

_Nathan turned to leave and then turned to Lucas and spoke._

"I watch every day as my Son battles for his life. Some days he is so sick and weak he can't even get out of bed. I watch as he goes through the most inhuman treatments. So I know Lucas what it's like to see your son in pain and fighting for his life. You hope that he'll live but Luke my family is too important not to fight for. Even if Jamie were to die I would go on, for him, for Mattie and for Hayley. I had thought that you would too. Peyton and Ellie need you Lucas and Dylan deserves better than to be remember by a drunken father. He adored you Luke, don't throw away your life, your marriage and your relationship with your daughter. Go on for Dylan. Livebecause he didn't get a chance to."

_Nathan hung his head._

"I love you Big Brother. We all love you. You've always saved Peyton and you're always helping us. Please Luke let Peyton save you. Please let us help you. We need you. She needs you. Please Lucas Please."

_With that he turned and left. Lucas collapsed to the ground his thoughts on that day. The day that turned him into a broken man. _

_**Flashback**_

"_Daddy its Christmas."_

"_Yes little man it is."_

"_We're going to have presents tomorrow aren't we."_

"_We are baby boy. Now let's go into the bank so we can get home and eat grandma's cooking."_

"_Yeah mommy's a good cook huh Luke."_

"_Yes she is little sister." The three entered the bank all smiles. Luke made small talk with the young girl behind the counter. He turned to leave just as a gun man walked in waving a gun everywhere."_

"_Daddy, Daddy that guy has a toy the bank!"_

"_Yes Son he does. Now stay behind Daddy. You too Lil." Luke placed both kids behind him and prayed with all his might that they would make it out._

"_EVERYONE ON YOUR KNEES NOW. I HAVE A GUN AND I WILL USE IT." _

_After that statement he shot the gun into the air. Lucas knelt hold a crying Dylan and Lily next to him. He watched in agony as of the gunmen turned and shot a woman. The next moment he heard another shot and felt a hot liquid soak into his shirt. He looked down at his son and a pool of blood. He then lay unconscious next to his son as a crying 6 year old Lily held her brother sacred beyond words. _

_The next thing Lucas knew he was looking into Peyton's eyes._

"_Lucas." Peyton collapsed next to him in tears. He held her tightly mixing his tears with hers._

"_Peyton I'm sorry. Where's Dylan.."_

"_Honey its ok."_

"_Where's my son?"_

"_He didn't make it Luke." She broke down into tears and the two held each other. _

"_But Luke we're going to be ok. We're going to get past this. I promise." He looked up into her green eyes full of fight and didn't believe her at all he felt hopeless his son was dead. How could he go on his son was gone._

_**End of Flashback**_

_As he sat there on the floor Luke remembered Peyton's eyes and then the eyes he saw just days before. The same eyes his young son had. He cried because he missed his young son's eyes and he cried because Peyton's eyes no longer held fight but were full of defeat. Defeat he had placed there._

_He was a total failure as a father for letting his son die. As a brother for sister having to see it all happen and as a husband because he had taken away Peyton's hope. He grabbed another bottle and started drinking it was the only thing that buried the pain. Lucas Scott was the picture of a broken man and it didn't look like anyone could save him now._


	11. Chapter 11

Thank you all for your reviews I am sorry this chapter is so slow. I had to get back into school and I needed to write a little ahead so that it could flow. I have a lot of things planned for the next few chapters that I think will explain a lot more of the story and answer a lot of your questions especially as to why Lucas's has reacted the way he has to Dylan's death. I have a plan I'm not just being mean to Lucas I love him and I love Lucas and Peyton.

I hope you enjoy this chapter. Please review more  thanks.

**Chapter 11**

**OTH/Scott House**

_Peyton sat down at the kitchen table looking at her divorce papers. Divorce papers that Lucas had sent she couldn't believe it. He had really given up on them. Why? Sure they had fights sometimes and he was really hurting and closed off but she really thought they could work through it. She didn't understand and she needed to. They were Lucas and Peyton well at least they use to be. _

_Tears stung her eyes she hadn't signed them yet she just couldn't bring herself to. She couldn't bring herself to end her marriage._

_Today was New Years Day. Nathan and Hayley were back in Tennessee with Jamie for chemo. They had been worried about leaving Mattie with Peyton but she assured them it was fine and Brooke and Karen promised they would help her. Peyton shook her head. She wanted to edit life. Go through and take out all the bad and only leave the good. She sighed if only that was possible. Getting up she got her laundry basket and made her way up to Ellie's room._

"Princess its laundry day! I need your stinky clothes. Oh baby what's wrong?" _Peyton said as she entered her daughter's room and went to sit on the bed. Her little girl was curled up in ball crying. _

"Mommy is my Daddy in heaven with Dylan?" _The little girl said crying the whole time._

_Peyton was taken back for a second. _"Oh Ellie, no sweetheart, why would you think that?"

"Because he's not here and Daddy's are always here unless they die like Dylan."

_Peyton's heart broke for her daughter and she took Ellie in her lap_. "No baby your daddy's alive. He's in New York. Daddy just needed time to think about something's."

"Does Daddy love me?"

"Elisabeth Karen Scott look at me. Your Daddy loves you with all his heart. You mean the world to him please don't every doubt that. I love you and Daddy loves you."

"I know you love me Mommy and Uncle Nathan loves me."

"So does Daddy baby, so does Daddy. He's just having a hard time."

"When's he coming back?"

"I don't know Ellie, he doesn't know yet. Maybe you can go see him."

"I'd like to see him Mommy. Little girls need their Daddy's Mommy."

"I know Ellie. I know." _Peyton hugged her daughter close to her. She knew how she was signing those papers._

**Lucas/ New York**

_Lucas Scott woke up in his hotel in New York. He was totally hung over and hadn't showered, shaved or since before Christmas. He only drank. He couldn't believe he had actually sent Peyton divorce papers. She was Peyton Sawyer the girl he had loved all his life. He had written a whole book about the girl. He shook his head, he missed her._

_He got up and got a glass of water than sat at the table clutching the photo of Peyton. He loved her so much. But he felt like a failure. He didn't feel worthy to be her husband anymore. He didn't feel he even could. So for that reason he sent her divorce papers. Suddenly there was a loud knock at the door. _

"I don't want any maid service go away!" _He screamed but the knocking continued and got even louder. He got up cussing all the way to the door. He opened it only for his face to connect with a strong fist. _

"That's for my sister! Now get up there's more where that came from."

"What the he** Derek?"

"What you think you can act like a jerk and no one call you on it? We'll listen here I hate dead beat Dad's and I'm not standing by and watching you be one to Ellie. My little sister has been through enough she doesn't need this crap from you."

"Why do you think I left?"

"Leaving is not how you get Man of the Year! They deserve better than this from you. My sister deserves better. You better get your sorry ass back to her."

"Who gave you the right to come in here and start telling me what to do?"

"You did?"

"How did I do that?"

"After fake Derek attacked Peyton you told me she was my family and that she needed me you brought me into her life and now I am keeping you in hers. Even if I have to come and beat you up some more." _With that he left._

"I like the other Derek better." _Lucas muttered._

**OTH/ Chase's Grave**

"Chase I really miss you. I wish you were here with me today. I wish I could sit with you and hug you. I wish I could lean in and kiss you. Feel your breath on my neck. O Chase sometimes I feel like you're still here. I wake up in the morning and turn to kiss you only I'm greeting with a big empty space." _She paused to wipe tears away._

"Chase it hurts. It hurts raising Logan without you. He's so amazing Chase you would be so very proud of him. He looks like you and acts like you too. He is defiantly your son. The other day he was jumping off the couch because he said he could fly. He wants to be a pilot someday just like his daddy and he will be because he got your brains and not mine. Don't worry our son will never cheat in calculus." _She laughed._

"High School was so much fun. I miss it. Man I miss so much right now. I miss Lucas and Peyton and the way they use to be. Lucas left Peyton he even sent her divorce paper. Chase I really wish you were here to help him. I just really wish you were here."


	12. Chapter 12

_**I do not own OTH.**_

Chapter 12

Three Days Later

**Lucas/New York**

"PEYTON!" _Lucas woke up screaming. He sat straight up in bed sweat pouring down him. Suddenly he jumped up throwing things across the room. _"Peyton, NOooooooooooo. I'm sorry Peyton. I'm sorry." _He screamed over and over. _ "I'm sorry Peyton. I'm so sorry." _There were clothes and strewn all over the room the lamp was shattered on the floor. Blood was pouring from his hand. He picked up a bottle and threw it across the wall._ "NooO! I didn't mean it. I didn't…. she wasn't suppose to die, he wasn't suppose to die. I'm sorry Peyton."

He_ slid down the wall screaming her name. "_Peyton, Peyton. I love you, I'm sorry."  
_He just sat there crying._

**Peyton/ LA**

"Stupid copier just work!" _Peyton said has she hit it over and over again. Tears were rolling down her face. She was in LA on business for her label but her mind was Lucas and wishing she could understand him. Wishing they were a family again._

"It's probably just a jam, a total pain in the ass but not worth a pretty girl crying over." _Said a total strange but extremely handsome man. _

"Oh ok you know the last the thing I need right is some shallow egocentric hot shot music producer hitting on me." _She said as she wiped tears from her eyes._

"Wow." _He laughed._ "Oh ok." _He turned to leave and then turned back._ "What if I was more of a failed guitarist turned indie movie producer type?"

_Peyton just scowled at him._

"No right." _He paused. _"You know the best thing about a paper jam?"

"What?"_She asked exasperated._

"If forces you to open up the machine and see what went wrong in the first place."

_Peyton just cried more and the mysterious man left. As walked toward the conference room for the meeting she thought about the guys words. What had gone wrong in the first place? She needed to know. She really needed to know._

"Brooke! I'm going to see Lucas." Peyton yelled as she walked into the hotel sweet.

Brooke ran from the bedroom screaming. "What?"

"I have to Brooke I need to know what went wrong in the first place. I can't spend my life wondering. Wishing we had dealt with Dyaln's death differently and"… _she paused and took a breath._

"I can't spend my life by this stupid book every time I see it." _With that she dumped around 30 copies of Unkindness of Ravens on the floor._

"When did you start this?"

"In Florida over Christmas. Every time I saw the blasted book I would buy it whether there we two copies or ten."

"Peyton." Brooke said her voice concerned.

"I know Brooke. I know and that's why today when some random guy told me the best part about a paper jam is you get see what went wrong in the first place I knew. I knew I had to go see Lucas. I have to go Brooke."

"Are you sure Peyton?"

"I am."

"If you're sure Peyton. Just be careful I love you and I don't want to see him break your heart anymore."

"I love your for caring B. Adams. I don't want him too either."

_The two hugged._

"So B. Adams what are your plans for this evening?"

"I have a business meeting with a movie producer to design clothes for his new movie."

"You don't even do that!"

"I know but it's part of some new things I want to do."

"Wow. So who is this movie producer?"

"Julian Baker."

"Now who doesn't know what she is doing?"

"Oh shut up."

**Lucas/New York**

_Lucas had spent the whole day on the floor crying. He looked down at his hand that was covered in blood from throwing things around the room. He decided it was time to clean it up his hand and the room. After cleaning his hand he looked throw the mail and froze when he saw the package. _

_It was divorce papers back from Peyton. He wasn't sure if he wanted to open them. He would be looking at the end of his marriage to Peyton Sawyer. Before he could think more he opened the papers. He closed his eyes then he looked at Peyton's signature. He blinked and looked again. She hadn't signed!_

_In the place of her name it said __**'I'll Be Seeing You.' **__Tears came to his eyes as he remembered the first time he said those words to her. _


	13. Chapter 13

**_Be Yourself lyrics_**_  
Someone falls to pieces, sleeping all alone  
Someone kills the pain, spinning in the silence  
To finally drift away  
_

**Peyton/ Plane to TN**__

Peyton was heading to Memphis to leave Mattie with Nathan and Hayley for the week then she was headed to New York to see Lucas. She looked at Mattie who had fallen fast asleep. She Peyton looked out the window of the plane. She was nervous about seeing Lucas but she knew it was right. She laid her head against the plane and fell into a dream.

_**Dream**_

"_Luke." Peyton laid her head on his chest as they were cuddling in bed. She run her hands on his chest and he ran his hand up and down her arm._

"_Are you excited about the baby?"_

"_Peyton I love you and I can't wait to be a father to your children. They are going to be so pretty with you curls." He said as he kissed her. "With your eyes." He kissed her again. "Your smile." He kissed her again._

"_I want the baby to have your eyes."_

"_Either way it will be the perfect baby." He kissed her again. They kept kissing the kiss growing stronger and stronger until Peyton broke the kiss._

"_Are we going to be good parents though?"_

"_Babe, we'll make mistakes but were in this together and we'll do great." He went in to kiss her again._

"_I'm scared." _

"_Peyt don't be its going to be great." He just held her in his arms._

"_Lucas what if something happens?"_

"_What do you mean?" He said pulling her back and looking into her eyes._

"_What if we lose the baby or what if we face hard times with them later? I just don't think I could lose a child like I lost my mothers or you lost Keith." With that she broke down into tears._

"_Peyton I promise whatever we face and whatever happens we'll do it together. I'll always be here and we'll make it through anything."_

_**End of Dream**_

Lucas woke up in a start with tears rolling down his cheeks. He remembered that day all too well. Every detail seemed to be etched in his memory even what Peyton was wearing. The thing he remembered most was how scared she had been. She had lost so much in her life -- he shook his head he knew he had added to her pain. He had broken his promise to her -- actually it seemed he'd broken everyone of his promises to her.

_  
__**Someone gets excited  
In a chapel yard and catches a bouquet  
Another lays a dozen, white roses on a grave**_**  
**

**Yeah and to be yourself is all that you can do  
Hey, to be yourself is all that you can do**

**Chase's Grave**

"Daddy! Hi. I got a plane. Mommy bought it for me. You would like. We went to your airport today it's doing a good job. We even went on your plane. They keep it real clean. I like it. Do they have planes where you are? Well I made you a picture it has planes. Mommy brought you flowers…yuck!...Daddy, I told her boys don't like flowers…."

_Brooke laughed as her son talked full speed to his father. After coming back from Christmas they had come almost every day to talk to Chase. Brooke had been surprised at how easy and healing it was. Logan loved these times. Brooke guessed a lot of it was he got to talk -- a lot and on the way home she always told him a story about his daddy. She felt she was finally healing and could keep Chase alive in Logan's memory but still move on from her grief. It felt great! _

"Chase I know you love my flowers. We're being really brave for you honey -- trying hard anyway. Your airport is doing wonderful and my line is doing fantastic. I am starting my own movie custom line where we will design clothes for movies. I am also starting a line for babies called "Baby Brooke". Logan has grown again -- I can a hardly keep him in clothes and I'm a clothing designer! We just wanted to tell were doing good babe -- really good. I love you and miss you every day. I still wish you were here."

Someone finds salvation in everyone, another only pain  
Someone tries to hide himself, down inside himself he prays  
Someone swears his true love until the end of time  
Another runs away, separate or united, healthy or insane**  
**

_**Karen and Andy's**__  
Karen sighed as she picked up Lucas and Peyton's wedding photo. Tears began to roll down her cheeks at the sight of the two of them so happy and in love. She wished she had done something more after Dylan had died to help the couple but she had been dealing with Lily. Lily had it rough after the shooting. Very rough -- she had nightmares every night where she would wake up screaming. She was still attending counseling. Karen shook her head. She wished with all her might she could protect her family from pain but she had learned a long time ago that she couldn't _

"Honey come on lets go back outside with our girls." _Andy said coming up and holding his wife._

"I am in just a minute."

"I'm sorry."

"Why?"

"Because you've had to overcome so much in your life. I wish I could bring all these people back. Keith, Dylan…"

"Andy I love you. I love your for the Father you are to Lily, and to Livy. I love your for loving me and supporting me. I wish everyone stayed here forever but I'm learning to enjoy the ones that are here. I just wish I could help Peyton and Lucas. My heart aches for them."

"I know honey. I know. I love you and I'm here for you."

And to be yourself is all that you can do, yeah  
(All that you can do)  
To be yourself is all that you can do  
(All that you can do)

To be yourself is all that you can do  
(All that you can do)  
Hey, be yourself is all that you can do

**Memphis, TN**

"Peyton are you sure?"

"Nate I am. I need to see him."

"I saw him..."

"I know. But Nate I need to understand."

"He was drunk Peyton that's all he's been doing."

"Nathan I'm scared of what I'll find and what will be said but my biggest fear…"

"Is living life without Lucas Scott." _He hugged her._ "That's always been your fear Peyton."

"I know."

"I don't want you to live your life without him either but I really don't want him to hurt you anymore."  
_He sighed._ "Go, go see him but know no matter what I'm here."

"Thanks Nathan. Now stop talking about me. How are you and Hayley and that way brave son of yours?"

"We're good. The doctors are so amazed at how well his first chemo treatment went last week. Hayley had it rough that first day. I was so thankful you called her and Lily's emails to Jamie make his whole day. I don't know what we would do without you guys." _He smiled then continued on._

" Karen sends Jamie a package every week and Livy always draws something for him. Jamie loves to get mail. We're doing good. September seems so far way now. The end is near."

"That is great Nate! How are you doing though?"

"I'm better Peyton. I feel we're going making it now. His last chemo will be in April and he'll be released after that then its just visits every three months and on. I see the end though and I know my son is going to live. That makes everything else ok."

Even when you've paid enough  
Been pulled apart or been held up  
Every single memory of the good or bad  
Faces of luck

Don't lose any sleep tonight  
I'm sure everything will end up alright  
You may win or lose

But to be yourself is all that you can do, yeah  
To be yourself is all that you can do

**New Morning/ Memphis, TN**

"You did not need to drive me to the airport Hales. You should have stayed with your family." _Peyton whined to her. She has stayed the day with the other Scotts and was now headed off to see the difficult Scott._

"_Oh I can have a break every once in a while. Besides I wanted to spend some more time with you."_

"_Well thank-you I feel very loved. So how are you really doing?"_

"_Honestly I'm doing great. Jamie's tumor is gone he just has chemo to finish up. He is fully function and lost no motor skills from the operation. I feel so fortunate. I've have meat so many other families who's child never came back from the surgery. One family sent their 10 year old little girl in for surgery the week before Jamie and she hasn't spoken since then and the doctors doubt she ever will. She looks like a 5 year old now and they have to carry her everywhere. I have also met so many others who children have inoperable tumors and only have short time longer."_

"_Wow that is incredible. I am very thankful that Jamie is doing so well. You and Nate amaze me though. You both have stood so strong."_

"_We've had our weak moments believe me."_

"_But you've kept it together and kept going. Unlike Luke and I, we just fell apart."_

"_Peyton you guys lost a child. We've been fighting to keep one here. We've had to keep it together for him."_

"_You still amaze me Hales."_

"_You amaze me. I can't think you enough for taking care of Mattie for me. How's Brooke?"_

"_She's awesome. Getting stronger everyday and Logan is growing like a weed."_

"_I'm happy for her. She needs to be happy. Actually speaking of happy have you heard about Deb?"_

"_That she is getting married?"_

"_Yes, that. I can't believe it! But I am happy for her she deserves to be loved and we all know Dan never did."_

"_I don't know I am sure he did, he just never knew how to show that love."_

"_I don't know Peyton but I am happy for Deb. Its going to be a June wedding!"_

"_It will be gorgeous that is for sure. I hope she is very happy. Tree Hill could use more happiness"_

Oh, to be yourself is all that you can do  
(All that you can do)  
Hey, to be yourself is all that you can do  
(All that you can do)

To be yourself is all that you can  
Be yourself is all that you can  
Be yourself is all that you can do


End file.
